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The worst professional wrestling match i ever did see

1 févr. 2022 à 21 h 28
#1
cautious optimism
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I'm not ashamed to admit it. I like professional wrestling. You can yell at me all you want about how it's "anime for rednecks", but it's very entertaining and important to me.

In my time, i have watched a lot of wrestling matches. The good, the bad, the gimmicky, there is a lot i have had to sit through. Naturally, i have seen a lot of bad wrestling. But this. THIS. What i'm about to tell you about has to be one of the worst matches that wrestling i have ever seen in my life.

Sharmell (with Sojourner Bolt) vs. Jenna Morasca (with Awesome Kong), TNA Victory Road 2009. This match has been made notorious by the likes of Botchamania and the Bryan and Vinny Show with Bryan Alvarez and Vince Verhei. Bryan and Vinny's review of this match is where the soundbite "MINUS! FIVE! STARS!" came from, and rightfully so.

Here is the match in video form. Watch at your own risk.



For those of you that didn't want to watch, i'll try to do it justice with a breakdown. Just a bit of backstory before we begin. For those of you who don't know:

-Sharmell is the wife of actual wrestler, Booker T. As far as i know, she only got into the business because of her marriage to Booker.

-Jenna Morasca was the winner of the million-dollar grand prize for winning the Survivor TV show in 2003. She decided to go into professional wrestling because, i don't know, she thought it would lift her back up into the cultural zeitgeist since it had been 6 years since Survivor? This would be her first and last match in the professional wrestling business. She isn't exactly... good. You'll see/read as you go on just how not exactly good she is. The best way to say it is "To call her as green as my front lawn would be an insult to my front lawn".

It starts with Sharmell's entrance, which, for some reason, she's wearing a dress for this match. That's not specifically for her entrance. That's her ring attire. She makes it look good, i like that shade of blue, but it was NOT designed with wrestling in mind, and it shows: The dress was falling apart through the match. Then for some reason, Kong gets an entrance before the person she's managing? I never understood that. Usually they come out alongside the wrestler. You can just see how unenthused she is to be stuck in this match.

And then Jenna comes out. She had some subpar entrance music, that was probably written and recorded in a couple of days since TNA couldn't afford to get the rights to use "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Her entrance herself was fifty different shades of lewd.

"It was an entrance designed to show off her *ssHOLE. Not just the *ss, but her actual tunnel."
-Vinny

The match begins, and Sharmell starts on the "offensive", in airquotes because Jenna is so terrible at selling that you can't really tell what she's doing. Thirty seconds in, and Sharmell goes for a pin and gets a two count, but it looked like she broke her own pin, i did not notice any bit of shoulder raising. Jenna then "turns the tides" very briefly with a very ugly looking running crossbody. Watching Jenna run the ropes is almost painful to watch. After a hold that i can't describe where Sharmell kinda forces Jenna into a bridge, she goes for another pin, and gets another two count. At least here i could see that Jenna raised her shoulder. After that, they go into a corner, and then the most infamous part of this match starts. Jenna regains the momentum permanently with THE WEAKEST SLAPS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. Just look at that sh*t. Sharmell sold it like death, so kudos to her, but it looked awful. She goes to the ground, Jenna then gets her up, and gives her a very bad Spear and goes back to the slaps, that were somehow even weaker than before. It then devolves into a catfight, even steamrolling poor Earl Hebner (the Wes McCauley of wrestling). At some point in their rolling catfight, Jenna rips out one of Sharmell's hair extensions. In an effort to get it back, i think, she runs at Jenna like a bull, misses, and runs over Sojo, who flies off the apron and was supposed to be caught by Kong, but she goes over Kong's head and takes a much nastier bump than was intended on the floor. Kong just straight up doesn't give a f*ck. You can tell she's just asking herself what she did in a past life to get thrown into this godforsaken match. Jenna then hands the extensions to Kong, and Sharmell asks for it back. She gets the extensions, but takes a chop to the neck, which she sold like she had been shot. Jenna then pinned her "with her v****na" (Direct quote from Bryan), and mercifully, the match ends. There were cheers, but they weren't because the crowd were happy about who won.

After the match, Jenna then tries to celebrate with Kong. Jenna gets mad at her for something (i don't know what, i'm not good at reading lips and at this point it doesn't really matter), which then results in Kong getting a weak slap. AND KONG HAD TO SELL THAT. Kong then throws her down to the mat by her hair (which must have hurt like hell) and hit her with a splash. Apparently, that killed her, since she looked like she was laying in a casket.

Final thoughts: I feel like any two users on this site without any prior experience could have put together a better professional wrestling match. Bryan Alvarez was right giving this negative 5 stars.

Thanks for sitting through that, i just wanted to write a longform post and decided to do this.

Bobcat
capsfan2121, NoVaSpartan, Saskleaf and 2 others a aimé ceci.
24 févr. à 19 h 47
#2
thegx.ca/forum
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Yeah wrestling definitely not as good as in the old days...
13 mars à 9 h 36
#3
Banni
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thanks!
13 mars à 18 h 35
#4
LongtimeLeafsufferer
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Bobcat. See you haven't been a contributor to CF lately. Now, I know why, you've found other entertainment.

I guess I should post this as a question. In what order to the referees in pro wrestling, hockey, basketball and football, just don't know the rules?
 
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